Bitterness is like a cancer that eats away at your heart and infects others. Good character builds strong relationships. But a root of bitterness destroys them. In this video we look at the effects of bitterness and the two levels of forgiveness.
Category: Dynamic of Restoration
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What Law Enforcement and Community Leaders Are Saying About Police Dynamics
“A few years ago, we brought the Police Dynamics program to the Cincinnati Police Division and were most impressed with the quality of the training and richness of the program.”
Mike Daly
Character Council of Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky
Mike Daly
Character Council of Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky
"I have attended training conducted by the Police Dynamics Institute in the past and know Ray Nash both personally and professionally. They have my whole-hearted endorsement…"
Sheriff Larry Williams
Orangeburg, SC
Sheriff Larry Williams
Orangeburg, SC
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to see this website. I was introduced to your video on the Dynamics of Authority through my father who is a police chaplain for the FBI and local law enforcement agencies here in Las Cruces. I have taught and applied the Dynamics model to my students when I was a teacher, and now to my department as a fire fighter."
Nathan Carr
Las Cruces Fire Dept.
Nathan Carr
Las Cruces Fire Dept.
“One of the greatest seminars I have ever attended in the 33 years I’ve been a Deputy.”
Walter Bolinger
Sergeant
Marion County Sheriff’s Office, IN
Walter Bolinger
Sergeant
Marion County Sheriff’s Office, IN
"I was so impressed by the (Police Dynamics) program that I purchased your video tape series. All Grand County Sheriff’s Employees subsequently viewed the tapes, and I have also mandated that all new Sheriff’s Employees watch it as well."
Glen Trainor
Undersheriff
Grand County Sheriff’s Office
Glen Trainor
Undersheriff
Grand County Sheriff’s Office
"It is with much enthusiasm that I encourage senior law enforcement executives to make attending the Police Dynamics seminar a key training priority for your agency."
DeWayne Beggs
Sheriff
Cleveland County, OK
former 2nd VP - National Sheriff's Association
DeWayne Beggs
Sheriff
Cleveland County, OK
former 2nd VP - National Sheriff's Association
"I am convinced of the benefits of the Police Dynamics program."
Jerry Martin
Sheriff
Delores County, CO
former Pres - County Sheriff's of Colorado
Jerry Martin
Sheriff
Delores County, CO
former Pres - County Sheriff's of Colorado
"Honestly, I’ve not been more impressed with a police training that I’ve attended in the last 20 years..."
Tom McClain
Chief of Police
Willard, MO
Tom McClain
Chief of Police
Willard, MO
"I am a firm believer that Police Dynamics and Character First! equip the men and women that work for the Oklahoma Sheriff’s Office to do their job and do it better."
John Whetsel
Sheriff
Oklahoma County, OK
John Whetsel
Sheriff
Oklahoma County, OK
"If you believe that good character is an essential element in policing, you will want to send your key staff to Police Dynamics."
David Williams
Sheriff
Tarrant County, TX
David Williams
Sheriff
Tarrant County, TX
"In the three years prior to our character initiative, we had 42 labor and employee grievances, and seven different lawsuits. In the three years since we put the character initiative in place, we have had two grievances and no lawsuits from employees. I think that, in and of itself, is significant."
Rodney Ray
City Manager
Owasso, OK
Rodney Ray
City Manager
Owasso, OK
"This course was one of the best training sessions that I’ve been through. This concept will benefit me and the staff in my division."
Police Dynamics participant
Police Dynamics participant
[We have] more awareness of the preventative benefits of a character initiative as opposed to the typical reactive approach to situations. There is a sense of excitement by organization leaders as they begin to see a change in their culture.
Bob Powell
Character Council
Fort Collins, CO
Character Council
Fort Collins, CO
"[The Police Dynamics training] brings us closer together, more like a family … it reminds us of why we’re out there and what it’s about.”
Captain John Decker
Dorchester County Sheriff's Office, SC
Captain John Decker
Dorchester County Sheriff's Office, SC
"This class gave me the vocabulary that I have been looking for to praise and motivate my employees."
Police Dynamics participant
Police Dynamics participant
"We’ve built a much better relationship with each other. We’ve seen a decrease in complaints. We’ve become a family instead of a place to work."
Sheriff Howie Godwin
Highlands County, FL
Sheriff Howie Godwin
Highlands County, FL
“This shows us a new approach to recognize employees’ character traits - and to acknowledge them for those good traits versus, 'You did an excellent job…' It’s some fresh ideas in an area that we probably all need to change."
Major P.D. Taylor
Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office
Major P.D. Taylor
Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office
"The Police Dynamics training that Ray Nash brought teaches the things that are at the core of being a good police officer – being trustworthy, being of good character…"
Sgt. Julie Shearer
Cincinnati Police Div.
Sgt. Julie Shearer
Cincinnati Police Div.
“In the Police Dynamics training seminar, the officers are able to set a standard in their own lives of the kind of character they want to see in their community."
Chaplain Carl Nelson
Colorado Springs Police Department
Chaplain Carl Nelson
Colorado Springs Police Department
"Character is the solution to the real problem in our community of crime. Character supplies the answer."
Hon. F.A. Schad
Former Judge
Burleson, TX
Hon. F.A. Schad
Former Judge
Burleson, TX
“I want you to know that my international and national career was very much influenced by your lessons and knowing you was of paramount importance for my job and career. Many Romanian police officers are grateful to you and to Character training."
Teofil Parasca
Assistant Superintendent
Arad County Police
Romania
Teofil Parasca
Assistant Superintendent
Arad County Police
Romania
"I would like to work more toward management by principles instead of rules – with an emphasis on character and guiding principles."
Chief Lynn Williams
Chickasha, OK
Chief Lynn Williams
Chickasha, OK
“We need to return to our basic character traits that made this country great. Ray Nash has the program to do it."
Police Dynamics participant
Police Dynamics participant
"This shows us a new approach to recognize those employees’ character traits and to recognize and acknowledge them for those good traits versus, “You did an excellent job…” It’s some fresh ideas in an area that we probably all need to change."
Major P.D. Taylor
Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office
Major P.D. Taylor
Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office
"In the three years prior to our character initiative, we had 42 labor and employee grievances, and seven different lawsuits. In the three years since we put the character initiative in place, we have had two grievances and no lawsuits from employees. I think that, in and of itself, is significant."
Rodney Ray
City Manager
Owasso, OK
Rodney Ray
City Manager
Owasso, OK
"Absolutely fantastic! It reminded me of why I wanted to be a peace officer."
Police Dynamics participant
Police Dynamics participant
"the finest value-added training anywhere."
Sheriff David Williams
Tarrant County, TX
Sheriff David Williams
Tarrant County, TX
"We continue to benefit from your teaching and hire with a strong emphasis on character."
Chief Tom McClain
Willard, MO
Chief Tom McClain
Willard, MO
"Once again, I feel absolutely indebted to you for the program you have developed and your desire to change the world through the building of better law enforcement officers."
Glen P. Trainor
Undersheriff
Grand County, CO
Glen P. Trainor
Undersheriff
Grand County, CO
"Sheriff Ray Nash is an internationally recognized speaker that you and your staff will learn powerful principles from, while enjoying the lesson."
DeWayne Beggs
Sheriff
Cleveland County, OK
DeWayne Beggs
Sheriff
Cleveland County, OK
"Very comprehensive, a great resource manual for the future. The seminar was dynamic in every way. What a great resource for people throughout their day-to-day routines.”
Doug Carter
Trooper
Indiana State Police
Doug Carter
Trooper
Indiana State Police
But is it ever that simple, Sheriff Nash? Level 1 forgiveness I understand, but the level 2 you described often requires time to heal and move on, depending on the offense. Now, I can’t speak from a perspective within law enforcement, never having worked there, but elsewhere in our personal relationships forgiveness often does (and perhaps should) require effort on the part of the forgiven.
Bitterness isn’t something most of us take on willingly or even knowingly. Some of us resisted it mightily, and yet it seeped in and poisoned our being, as you said. And just as it can be difficult to remain free of bitterness initially, it’s doubly hard to rid of it once it’s there, inside our hearts. I do agree with you that bitterness can act as a cancer that eats a person alive and in no way helps in making amends, but how does one ‘purge’ him/herself of bitterness once it’s taken hold? And what if the bitterness was well-deserved and earned? What if the person you feel bitterness toward deserves to be regarded as a threat to avoid?
And what if your bitterness isn’t toward someone but instead something, like the change in police dynamics as a whole, say for someone who became a law officer decades ago and have witnessed much change they no longer are able to comprehend and cope with?
I remain perplexed on the topic of bitterness and forgiveness and will give it much thought in the future.
Byenia:
First of all, I appreciate your thoughtful comments and questions. This is just the kind of interaction on this site I was hoping for.
Secondly, you are absolutely right about Level 2 forgiveness. Level 1 is hard enough, but Level 2 is extraordinarily difficult. I know I am still harboring some bitterness because of hurts my family and I received during some brutal election campaigns. But part of the healing process is to recognize that the bitterness is there – just like you must diagnose a cancer before you can treat it.
The one thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness does not relieve consequences. Forgiveness and pardon are two different things. Forgiveness is about restoring relationships and freeing you of bitterness. It has little to do with consequences.
I used to struggle with communicating this concept to my children. If they did something worthy of punishment, I might put them on restriction. Often they would come to me with a very contrite spirit and ask for forgiveness, which I granted to them, of course. Then they would immediately ask for the restriction to be lifted. It was hard to explain to them why forgiveness and consequences were different concepts.
One of the consequences of an offense might be a permanent loss of trust, or an unwillingness to associate with someone. Or it could be some serious disciplinary or legal sanction. But granting forgiveness frees you of the consequences in your own heart. It may or may not restore the relationship but it is a necessary first step.
Another problem as I see it is that sometimes the person you might be holding bitterness toward is not even around any more. Perhaps they are a long distance away or even deceased. In that case, you only have two choices: level 2 forgiveness or continuing to nurture a root of bitterness.
And to answer your initial question, I think it IS simple but is far from easy…!
I think this might be a great topic for a future video. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explore this concept in more detail…
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